Random Acts of Senseless Star Sixty-Nining
| (AT RISE: RYAN UNTEREINER sits on a low chair, staring dramatically at the telephone on the floor before him. HE agonizingly runs his hand through his hair, his tongue around his teeth, steeling himself for the call he's about to make. |
| Finally, HE takes a deep breath and grabs the phone. HE dials frantically, but - upon hearing somebody pick up on the other end - instantly hangs up. There's a beat. Thoughts run through RYAN's head. |
| And then the phone RINGS. |
| RYAN reacts with bird-like panic, impulsively picking up the phone and immediately hanging up on whomever's calling. |
| A moment later, the phone RINGS yet again. RYAN does the exact same thing - picking up the phone and hanging it up. |
| Thinking quickly, HE pulls his cell phone from his belt and frantically dials a number.) |
|
(into cell phone) |
| Allan! Hey! Ryan! Glad I caught you! ... Good, good! Fightin' the good fight! How're you? ... Yeah, well, long as you're not pissin' blood ... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll tell you why I'm calling ... I just ... |
| (The phone on the floor RINGS again, and RYAN immediately picks-up-the-phone-and-hangs-it-up.) |
|
(into cell phone) |
| I need you to do a favor for me. I need you to make a call for me ... A phone call ... To a woman ... No, the room-mate of somebody I ... Why? Because I hate her ... No, no - the room-mate. I hate the room-mate ... Yeah, that's it. You got it. I don't want to talk to her ... Why would I want to talk to somebody I hate? ... |
| (The phone on the floor RINGS again, and RYAN again picks-up-the-phone-and-hangs-it-up.) |
|
(into cell phone) |
| But, y'see, I have to call her. You have to call her ... Because unless somebody calls her, somebody other than me, the chain's not going to be broken ... The star sixty-nine chain ... |
| (The phone on the floor RINGS again, and RYAN again picks-up-the-phone-and-hangs-it-up.) |
|
(into cell phone) |
| See, I called over there, right? The room-mate picked up. Whom I hate. Whom I can't even bring myself to say "hello" to. So I hung up on her without saying anything. And now she's star sixty-nining me, and - unless somebody else calls her, and breaks the chain, you see what I'm saying? - she's going to find out it's me who hung up on her, 'cause I've got The Message Center. On my home phone. If I don't pick up after four rings, on my home phone, it goes straight to my Message Center, and ... Yeah, exactly - she'll know it's me by my voice ... |
| (The phone on the floor RINGS again, and RYAN again picks-up-the-phone-and-hangs-it-up.) |
|
(into cell phone) |
| So you'll do it? Fantastic! I really appreciate this, man ... Yeah, the number's 310-284-7312 ... Read that back to me ... Yeah ... Yeah ... Yeah, you got it, you call it, you solve all my troubles, I owe you one big-time, everybody's happy ... Absolutely ... We'll talk then. And thanks again, Allan. Really. 'Bye ... |
| (HE clicks off his cell phone. The phone on the floor RINGS, and RYAN again picks-up-the-phone-and-hangs-it-up. HE stares at the phone, waiting for it to inevitably ring again, as we slowly:) |
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